I no longer eat breakfast. Every morning I wake early and I have hours and hours of living life before lunch. Sometimes I gently fantasize about the salad that has just the right mix of greens, cherry tomatoes, apples, sunflower seeds and crushed cashews and that salad dressing that makes my toes curl—If this green goddess salad dressing was a man, his name would be Brad Pitt—SWOON! Sometimes I have leftovers or pizza—it doesn’t matter what it is…I go about my morning and from time to time, I entertain thoughts about the variety of deliciousness waiting for me in my refrigerator.
Every once in a while, when I ponder my lunch I’ll feel this urgency, “I need to eat it NOW! I’m starving! I don’t want to wait! I want it now! I might die of starvation before I can eat…” But then I soothe myself: “You ate last night. You’re perfectly fine. You’re going to eat, you’ve always had food to eat...” I think about how the food will nourish my body and how supported and nurtured my mind and body feels after a good meal. Or I’ll just stop thinking about food and think of something else that is general or soft.
I don’t feel the need to make myself think about it. It’s more like this delightful daily visitor, because I know fulfillment is on its way. I know my meal is just downstairs and waiting for me when I’m ready for it. I know that I’ll get all that I need and I’ll feel so satisfied. I never think, “Gee, maybe the food isn’t there. Maybe I won’t be able to find the refrigerator. Maybe a portal has opened up and creatures from another time and space have taken my kitchen,” because entertaining those thoughts would be silly as well as counterproductive.
What I’ve created is this space every morning where I enjoy my desires. I feel into how wonderful it will be, even though I’m not eating at that moment. Even though the food isn’t in front of me, even though I’m not shoveling it into my face-hole, I am savoring the idea of it in such a gentle and wonderful way. Then when I’m ready to eat I can feel this rise in my excitement. It’s that sweet spot when you notice and appreciate that what you’ve wanted is being witnessed and realized. I feel like a kid. I feel a bit in love with my life, my world, my food, my day, my body, myself, my thoughts… The food seems secondary to the feeling I’m associating with it. I love it. I appreciate it. I look at it with satisfaction as I prepare it and with great sincerity I appreciate that food. I appreciate the world I’m in that has brought me together with this food.
After practicing this little ritual for several weeks, I now know, with great certainty, that I can create a wonderful experience for myself every single morning. I love my mornings. It’s understanding how to be in relationship with my desires. How to believe my desires. The ease and joy that comes from having desires that aren’t contradicted by limiting beliefs. How easy, wonderful and fulfilling it is to have desires and beliefs that are in alignment.
A delightful side effect of this daily practice that I’ve noticed is that many of my food sensitivities have fallen away. If I get a panicky thought or dreadful feeling of, “I wonder if this is ok to eat,” I soothe those thoughts as well. “I love my body, I would never put anything in it that I thought would harm it. I love my body, all the trillions of cells know better than me what they need that is of value and what to simply let pass through. I love listening to my body and trusting that I’ll receive all the nutrition I need for these next hours….” Soothing. No thoughts about food rules. No thoughts about articles I’ve read.
Now I’m taking this easy way of creating and enjoying desire and allowing it into my experience. If I think about something I want and it doesn’t feel as wonderful as creating my lunch, if there’s an edge to it, if there’s doubt to it, if there’s yearning in it—then I back away and leave that desire alone. I pick desires that feel delicious in the thinking of them. I bask in those desires for as long as they feel good. And even though the new house isn’t here, the new puppy hasn’t shown up…I know that when my desire feels good, it’s like the food that’s just downstairs waiting for me. That I’ll meet up with them when the time is perfect. And it’s easy. It’s fun. It’s all working out.