Sitting With What Arises

A gentle somatic practice for uncomfortable emotions

One of the most common questions I receive — both directly and indirectly — is

some version of: “How do I get through this feeling?”

I wish there were a workaround. I’ve looked for one myself. What I’ve found instead is something simpler — and harder — and ultimately more freeing.

There is no pill for this. There is no bypass. There is no way around meeting yourself.

What does work is learning how to sit with what arises without turning it into a story, without outsourcing regulation to others, and without abandoning yourself in the process.

This post is an invitation into that.

A shift that changes everything: from horizontal to vertical

Many of us learned — often very early — to process emotions horizontally:

talking them through immediately needing reassurance seeking someone to tell us it will be okay looking outside ourselves to hold the intensity

Support is not wrong. Community is not wrong. But when support becomes necessary for regulation, we lose something essential: self-trust.

Vertical alignment doesn’t mean isolation. It means you can stay with yourself.

You don’t disappear when discomfort shows up. You don’t need to be rescued from your own experience.

The core practice (simple, not easy)

When something uncomfortable arises — sadness, fear, grief, agitation, numbness — try this:

Pause the story If you notice explanations, blame, analysis, or meaning-making, gently set it aside. You can always come back to it later.

Bring attention to the body

Where do you feel this physically?

• chest?

• throat?

• belly?

• shoulders?

• jaw?

You don’t need to name it correctly. Just notice.

Say a quiet hello

• Internally, something like: 

• “I’m here.” 

• “You have my attention.” 

• “You don’t need to go anywhere.”

No fixing. No soothing voice. Just presence.

Stay 

This is the part most people want to skip.

Stay with the sensation:

notice temperature

density

movement or stillness

pulsing,

tightness,

heaviness

• If you drift, come back.

• If you dissociate, come back gently.

Let the body do what it does Emotions complete themselves when they’re allowed to be felt without resistance or commentary. You don’t make this happen. You allow it.

Being okay with not being okay

One of the most powerful shifts in my own life was realizing:

I don’t need someone else to make this okay.

I can sit with myself while it isn’t okay.

This doesn’t make you cold or closed. It makes you present.

When you stop abandoning yourself in moments of discomfort, something surprising happens: the emotions don’t need to scream as loudly to be heard.

A note on independence (and compassion)

If you’re used to reaching out immediately, this practice may feel uncomfortable or even lonely at first. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

You’re building a new muscle.

You are learning how to say to your own experience:

“I can be with you.”

That is not withdrawal from connection. That is the foundation of healthy connection.

You’re not behind

If this feels hard, you’re not failing.

You’re meeting something real.

There’s no timeline for this work. No gold star. No moment where you “graduate” from being human.

There is only the ongoing willingness to stay.

And that willingness changes everything.