When Judgment Finally Turned Inward (And Why That Wasn't a Bad Thing)

I just finished teaching Week Three of my Healer class, and I'm still sitting with something that came through very clearly during the class.

We were clearing judgment from the heart space.

As we were doing it, I suddenly had this quiet realization:

All judgment is self-judgment.

I've said that before. I've taught it. I've used it in tarot readings.

But this time, it landed differently.

Instead of feeling insightful or empowering, it triggered something unexpected: disappointment.

So I did what I've learned to do: I listened.

Underneath that disappointment was a very human, very petty part of me that still wanted to win.

To be the good one.

To be right.

To be vindicated.

To finally get the “I was right all along” moment.

And I realized very clearly that this path doesn't lead there.

This work doesn't end with winners and losers.

It doesn't crown anyone the good guy.

It doesn't reward us for being more evolved, more aware, or more correct.

In fact, it does the opposite.

It keeps taking away every place where we try to stand above, apart from, or ahead of one another.

What hit me next was even more sobering:

All the silent judgment I've carried every moment of resentment, certainty, or superiority wasn't about others at all.

It was about distance.

Judgment was how I tried to distance myself from the very things I didn't want to see or feel in myself.

That realization didn't make me smaller.

It made me more honest.

This work is not ego-gratifying.

It's ego-revealing.

And somehow paradoxically that's what makes it so fulfilling.

The more I do this work, the more I'm humbled by the people who show up for it. The warmth, the skill, the sincerity, the quiet courage it's never what I expected spiritual work to look like.

It's never about being better.

It's about being present.

It's about being real.

It's about being willing to see yourself without armor.

And while that means giving up the fantasy of winning, it also means giving up the burden of comparison.

What's left is something much quieter and much truer.